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Imagine working at Everything 99p shop wearing a yellow tee shirt with 99p Everything emblazoned on it in big urban graphics. You would have to price goods and mop up spillages. You would have a pricing gun, which only produces 99p price stickers, as everything in the shop is 99p and you would ponder at the total futility of this often. After work you would go to a private view and see the person who you most hated in the whole world. You would go up to them and slam your price gun onto their forehead ejecting a 99p sticker.


Imagine having a panic attack in the middle of Boots The Chemist. Your heart would race and your palms would clam. You collapse on the floor and the pharmacist would take the opportunity to give you the kiss of life but they would get carried away and slide their tongue down your throat.


After these hideous imaginings you go to a private view and mingle. You explain your imaginings to an important gallerist in amongst the general chitty chat. They edge their way slowly away from you. You say you want to make a video piece about it and they say "have you thought about making a sculpture from marble instead".

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