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Dear Rich Lady Vanity Project ‘lost the power of speech’ Gallerist


You may not remember me but you visited my studio not once, twice or three but FOUR times. On each occasion you said bugger all just stood there incommunicado muttering the occasional vague mmm sound. I wouldn’t mind if this happened one time but it happened on all four occasions. Why request to come four times and say NOTHING and give nothing. Did you fancy me or something but felt bit shy? Did you have diarrhea and were afraid that if you opened your mouth, it would explode with shit? Or, is it because you are too rich to be bothered with the formalities of communication and its up to us artists to decipher your mmm’s? Your enlightenment on this would be greatly appreciated.


Four times though?


After the fourth visit, I thought, surely to God something will be put on the table but no, zilch, nada, a big fat zero. Do you think artists are just at your beck and call, we can hang around whilst you dangle a carrot, for your amusement, and be grateful for any crumbs you happen to throw our way? We are not Pigeons.


I cancelled paid work for your studio visits. Attached is an invoice for three of those visits, the first one I’ll give you for free as that seems standard. I have charged my usual ‘you are wasting my fucking time’ day rate.


For the record, your gallery was an exercise in nothingness and not in an interesting conceptual way.  I was looking for a glimmer of hope in a sea of desperation.



Ps. what a shame to hear your gallery folded, karma is a bitch

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